district sleeps alone tonight.

so i just got back about an hour and a half ago from dropping mark at the airport and i decided this epic weekend required a blog post that will probs be obnoxiously long and over-detailed.

so the arrivals board at reagan and i got into a fight. first it said his flight was coming in at 12:15. then it said 12:22 so i went to read and checked again at 12:17 at which point, the flight had landed. seriously arrivals board? not nice. also, it was creepy as hell b/c there was almost nobody around for a while. it almost looked like the beginning of a murder mystery. but i clearly survived.

when we got back here and decided to finally go to bed, mark instructed me to set an alarm for 10 am so i did and woke up when it went off. he then had me reset it for half an hour later. alright, that's fine. however when i was up at 10 and he was still asleep at 2, we had some issues so i went to the grocery store and made him get up at 3 so we could go wander around tenley, went to campus and wandered around there, hung out in the library checking email, went to chipotle, got a few beers and came back here to eat and watch a movie at which point we crashed at 10 from being so tired.

sunday was probably the best day by far. we woke up early (like before 8 am early) and went down to the mall even though it was misting and generally unpleasant weatherwise. we had a little adventure getting from metro center down to the washington monument. we got our tickets to go up to the top then went in the book store. the lady offered us a free map b/c we clearly had no idea where we were going. mark took the map from me and informed me that my map privileges were revoked b/c i didn't know where i was. my response was "i know where we are!... i just can't find it on the map!" the lady who worked there as well as mark busted out laughing. it was good times, man. although we probs should have gotten 2 maps b/c we kept passing it back and forth every 2 mins. it didn't look so good by the end of the day.

while we were waiting for it to be time to go to the washington monument, we went to the lincoln memorial. question of the day: why does washington get a monument and lincoln a memorial? i taught mark how to do "m" and "p" in asl so he could have his hands in the equivalent position of lincoln's (an "a" and "l") but w/o a chair, it just turned out funny looking. we also did a breeze through of the WWII memorial on our way between the washington monument and lincoln memorial.

the washington monument was like 10 different kinds of cool. when we went through security, mark's belt set off the metal detector so he got pulled off to the side and wanded. haha. then we went into this little waiting room type place. it was really pretty. then we went up 500 ft in the air where there were 4 sets of windows. one set pointing east, west, north, and south each. at one point, we saw 2 helicopters flying in the no fly zone that mark said were very marine 1-ish. he then ran around to the other side and saw one of them land on the white house lawn, people got on, then they took off again. then on our way down in the elevator, i'm 99.9% sure that our tour guide was this guy who went/goes to AU.

when we got down, we came up w/ a plan. however, when mark was looking at the map to create said plan, he thought the "bureau of engraving and printing" was the bureau of engineering and printing. self-centered much? we even saw the bureau on the way to the jefferson memorial, and when i pointed this out, he kept smacking my arm like a girl until the building was out out sight. after that we went to capitol building, walked by a bunch of smaller monuments i never knew existed and went to union station for lunch. that was all pretty uneventful until we walked out and there were 2 special agents standing at the top of the metro holding machine guns. wtf! we have no idea what was going on but yeah... we got out of there pretty fast even though they were just chillin and letting tourists take pictures. then we went to the white house visitor center and learned about the white house for a while. when it closed at 4, we went to the actual white house. and stood at the back gate. for an HOUR AND A HALF. in the first 15 mins we were there, there were snipers on the roof and an extra secret security agent showed up w/ a dog then a little while later another showed up on a bike. mark was convinced that this meant something was going to happen. so we waited. and waited. and waited some more. let me tell you, nothing happened.

then we went back to the WWII memorial, visited the korean and vietnam memorials. i had some issues reading the map to get us to the vietnam memorial and therefore made a wrong turn and we went the wrong way for about a block. he then gave me a hard time for wasting 4 mins of his life. when i failed to, he pointed out that would be a good time to mention that he wasted an hour and a half of mine. i love it when he pays himself out for me. after that we headed back to see the front of the white house and headed up to see the australian embassy. then we walked to the metro and went to the super market (again) to pick up some specifics for dinner and snacks for mark to take with him. we came home and evy came over, which was lots and lots of fun. she and mark got along much better than i expected. after she left we had a nice (read: very embarrassing for heather) conversation w/ jackson. i didn't realize how much i missed them teasing me together. they're pretty funny when they bounce off each other. but then it was time for mark to finish packing, which left us both very sad.

today we woke up, he finished packing, we had lunch and were very soon thereafter off to the airport. we managed to stay cheery up until he was about to get in line (ha! i remembered it's not on line!) for security. we had a really long hug and everyone who was paying attention to us probs thought it was adorable. then i waited in line with him until they asked for his boarding pass. when i went to sneak out i got scolded by the security guard but there was nothing saying that only people holding boarding passes could go past. i totally had this entire little speech planned for before we parted company but i forgot before it was too late.

now i just need to figure out when i will have time, emotional energy, and available funds to go back to australia. it's tempting to go back at the end of the summer but given how sad i am right now after spending 2 and a half days w/ 1 of the people i miss so much, i think a week might actually kill me. this=down side of going abroad.

sorry this was such a long one but i really wanted to chronicle this.

now for the count downs.
birthday: 6 days
birthday dinner w/ parents/grandparents: 8 days
home in nj for the summer: 11 days.

why do these things need titles anyway?

we have returned to me only blogging when things suck... really badly... and i have someone i want to say but i don't think anyone will actually care when i say it so it comes out here. i think this post is going to be more name names ish than it usually is but what can ya do, right?

i feel so distant from everyone but i'm not sure why. tonight i was out w/ friends just chillin from 6-11 and those 5 hours were an effort not to run back to hiding in my room all along. i've once again turned into one of those weird kids who would much prefer to spend my time alone at the computer talking to people through that than actually being with people. i'm afraid this is because i live so far away from people... even though it's only 1.25 miles. what am i going to do when i live many miles from my friends? it's going to happen at some point... it has to. i'm not going to live with my entire pack of college friends for the rest of my life.

i'm also slightly panicked about the fact that i don't know what i want to do when i graduate. at this point i almost want to go to grad school to simply postpone going into the real world for a little while longer and realizing that i can't do anything but be a secratary (not that i'm knocking being a secratary but i've done that sort of shit before and i don't really find it particularly fulfilling). the things i want to do, i'm too broken to do successfully and everything else, i'm simply unqualified for or simply don't want to do it. i'm really terrified that i'm going to end up hating my life forever which is terrifying it and people telling me not to worry b/c i'm a junior and have another year makes it worse... significantly... not better. i want to know what direction i'm heading in. wandering aimlessly through life is making me really anxious and jittery.

i haven't talked to most of my friends in australia in so long. i'm more than slightly worried a lot of them have forgotten me. i keep wanting to go back but i know that won't solve any of my problems b/c while i can't remember most of these times, i know i was deeply unhappy there, and it was not an unfrequent occurance. but i just chose to remember the happier moments instead which means that i've convinced myself that life was so much better there, which is clearly completely false. it was about the same, it just had a beach. what if i can't be happy anywhere? maybe i should just do what mr. manhattan did and go to mars. that would be better. then it would be enforced solitude and i wouldn't feel the need to do anything about it.

i can't even figure out what i'm doing at the end of the semester. i need to find a job but can't make myself apply. i just don't think i can make myself deal w/ the changes that are coming. erin is graduating but that won't be that big of a deal since she's staying in the district. the bigger issue right now is that mark is going home, as he should, at the end of the semester. he has become my tripp. and for any of you who knew me during my tripp phase, you know that this is not a good thing for me. i don't even know what's going through my head at this point so i suppose it is time to end this blog entry.

days 'til birthday: 56

sunshine and daisies!

so i figured it was just about time to write a blog post when i wasn't sitting here having a self-pity party.

it is an absolutely beautiful day outside. it's warm and the sun is out and it's just amazing.

i had a fantastic day today. i have finally realized that i have awesome friends and that bad moods pass (even if they take 2 months to do so). i swear, i was almost in (happy) tears this morning when i was reading the comments that people were making on my 25 things note (see facebook if you're curious). i am also remembering why it is that i actually liked college in the first place and reassessing how hard this semester is REALLY going to be. i don't really have anything else to say but i figured since i tell you all when i'm in a bad mood i'd like to let you know that life is pretty fucking sweet right now. :-)

days till my birthday: 102

taking life one day at a time.

i am so sick of college at this point but i realized that the things that are pissing me off about college are the things that are going to piss me off in the real world so graduating early wouldn't help, even if i could do it. and trust me, i thought about it. but, in order to graduate early, i would have to give up on my honors degree and after making it this far, i am definitely not going to give that up, but i might switch from getting an honors in psychology to getting general honors. my parents are having trouble understanding this concept but whatever.

i really wish i could graduate a semester early and just go back to australia for a few months before jumping into real life but i took a look at my bank account today... the odds of me being able to go back in the next 5 years are pretty slim, especially since i'm going to have to start paying my own rent soon. i like to play like i am actually a grown up but i honestly don't know what i'm gonna do when i graduate and moving back home is absolutely positively not an option. the best solution would clearly be to find a sugar daddy to worry about these things for me ;-).

i swear there are positive things in my life atm but none of them are incesantly on my mind so they just don't seem to make it onto my blog but i swear that my life is not nearly as depressing as it sounds.

days till my birthday: 105

i have so many things i want to say to so many different people and no words to say them.

i don't know what i am doing with my life but for the first time i really just don't want to be in dc and it has nothing to do with school work. i almost feel like missing my friends from UOW so much is a betrayal to my friends here but i want to take all of them with me wherever i end up. it might just be that i'm having trouble readjusting after being abroad but what if it's not?

so i have decided for certain that i am not going to grad school immediately after i graduate AU. i don't know what i AM going to do, but there is plenty of time to worry about that.

my point kind of faded out but i think these are particularly important thoughts atm.

days until my b-day: 120

i made it!

so everyone will be happy to know that i have made it back to the district and got a significant amount of my packing done. my room is huge and big enough to 2 air mattresses on the floor so every single one of you should come visit me! loveyouwithmouth kthnxbai!

days till i go back to dc: -1!
days till i turn 21: 134

happy 2009!

so we have finally survived 2008. it's been a typical year in the life of heather with ups and downs but there were lots of notable things that happened from the last time all my AU friends are at uni together to my adventure down under to deciding to move to a house off campus. but i suppose that most of you already know about what's happened over the past year.

i've spent a fair bit of time hanging out w/ my sister (like we part ways to sleep and that's just about it) and her friends. they're good people, i'm pretty fond of them... even if they do remind me of the aussies i miss like crazy. which brings me to my next thought. i've noticed that if you are constantly listening to someone talk about how much they miss other people, it kind of makes you feel like crap. also, familial approval is highly overrated.

it's getting to that time of the break where i'm torn between wanting it to last forever and wanting it to be over 2 weeks ago. it's weird to think that 1 week from now i will be enjoying my lunch break between classes back at AU. my masterful head games have worked once again and i forgot how much i have really missed being in dc. i'm thinking that about half of you reading this already know how wonderful dc is and miss it yourself but for the other half, i highly recommend visiting. it's certainly better than canberra :-) (although i know this is no great feat).

i've also come to terms with the fact that my employment options when i graduate are going to be slim and coming up with plans b - q so i can support myself. maybe i'll go back to australia for a while or tour europe. who knows. stupid economy. the only good thing about it is that these are the lowest prices i've paid for gas ever. however this doesn't really matter since i don't really have a car anymore and when i do drive, i generally drive my dad's car. it has the better gps meaning i get less epically lost. i really absolutely hate driving and i think i am destined to live in a city simply to avoid the necessity of a car, although i have discovered some new routes to and from places i go all the time around here.

so i figure i'll end this with some of my new years resolutions:
1. take care of myself... properly
2. figure out my post-grad plan
3. get out of nj... for real
4. stay in touch with everyone who's far from me
5. read at least one pleasure book a month
6. don't take myself too seriously
7. don't take anyone else too seriously either
8. eat at least 2 meals a day
9. sleep during human hours for human amounts of time
10. get more involved in hobbies and not just things that will look good on a resume
11. take advantage of any and all opportunities to see friends who are far away
12. don't worry TOO much about my bank account
13. give people reasons to come visit me at my house
14. walk all the way from AU if it's light out
15. don't panic

well i think that's a pretty impressive list of resolutions... i'll reassess in a month, see how many i've broken at that point

days till i go back to AU: 4
days till i turn 21: 139